AFTER FOOTPRINTS
The FOOTPRINTS Service supports families for thirteen months after bereavement, and so it is natural to wonder what comes next. This page provides some information about living with grief and some resources for the longer term.
LIVING WITH GRIEF
Grief is a life-long experience.
Families who experience the death of child never forget their child or leave their grief behind. In the early days of grief, emotions can be raw and very public, but as time goes by grief can become less visible. Support from others can taper off. It is common for bereaved families to feel increasingly alone in their grief.
Our families described a sense of sadness that they felt as meaningful anniversaries passed. Soon, it is no longer the year that your child died. It becomes the second year. Christmas passes without your child. Mother’s Day. Easter. Diwali. Book Week at school.
Each milestone can bring new challenges.
Connecting with other families who have walked a similar path can be a comfort on the journey. Our FOOTPRINTS families have shared their stories and some of the lessons they learnt from their grief - the things that helped them through. You may find solace reading about some of their experiences.
TELLING YOUR STORY
For many families learning to tell their story becomes a central challenge of living with grief in the longer term. Finding the words to keep their child’s memory alive and honoured can be bittersweet.
How many children do we have in our family? Do we sign cards with all of our names? How do our other children want to be known - as someone whose sibling has died, or just as themselves with no strings attached?
These questions can be painful and can occur at unexpected moments.
Choosing how to tell your story is very individual. Each member of your family may tell their story differently, and that is OK. Finding the right words can take time.
Some things that our families have found helpful on this journey include:
Grief journaling - Writing freely or using structured resources to record details of your grief journey. Journaling offers a calming and creative opportunity to navigate thoughts, feelings and memories as well as exploring words to capture your story and how you would like your child to be remembered.
Art therapy - Creative activities such as painting, drawing, sculpture and photography can provide an expressive and purposeful outlet for emotions and meanings. Creating artistic works can also inspire connections and conversations, providing ways to shape your family story and child’s legacy.
Advocacy - Contributing to improvements in healthcare, policy or research can provide an impactful way to honour your child’s legacy. Some families find solace in consumer activism, public speaking or philanthropy. Others quietly support charities or causes that hold meaning and relevance for their child’s memory.
Memorials - Many families choose a shared activity to enjoy together to remember their child’s life. Memorial activities can provide opportunities to speak about your child, share memories, and honour special aspects of their life in a way that holds meaning for your family. Memorials can be often, occasional, big, small, planned or spontaneous, consistent or different every time. Some organisations hold memorial services to bring together families with shared experiences.
FACING THE FUTURE
For many families there comes a time when they feel they must look towards the future.
Grief is always present, but the future calls and asks to be faced. This can be daunting to navigate, and families often struggle to balance grief and hope. How is it possible to face the future while honouring the past?
Grief can be confusing.
Is it possible to experience joy and sorrow at the same time? For some, laughter feels like forgetting. Others find themselves unable to plan, or even imagine the future. Many struggle to know how to put one foot after the other and just keep going with the everyday.
Our FOOTPRINTS families described their challenges facing grief in the longer term, and some of the ways they learnt to navigate it. Some found they needed to give themselves permission to experience joy again. Some turned to other people for help with this, such as grief counsellors or peer mentors. Some were encouraged by books and podcasts. Others took comfort from resources about resilience.
Every journey is different, and there is no right way to grieve. You may find it helpful to explore some of the related links on our Services page, and consider what will be helpful for you and your family.
Grief is personal, sensitive and complex. What works for one family member may not be right for another. Consider trying more than one pathway to find the best fit for your journey. Letting go of something that doesn’t help and trying an alternative option might feel like giving up, but may in fact be a positive, healing choice. Your grief journey is your own.
